To simply put it, Self-Esteem is how we feel about ourselves and who we are. As a woman or even a man, having low self-esteem affects everything we do, think and say. It ultimately affects how we see the world and the part we all play in it. Having low self-esteem also affects how others see and treat us in this world. The choices we make about what we want to accomplish in life and with whom we will be involved with, is greatly affected. Our ability to give and receive love and make necessary changes in life is all affected.
Have I suffered from low self-esteem, low self worth, and identity crisis? Yes! Spending my early years being lost in the lives of others, what they wanted for my life, where I should work, go to school, who I should date, how I should dress, act, walk, and talk, affects and did actually affect my self- acceptance. I wanted and needed the approval of others. So growing up, I lived my life being confused about what I wanted out of life, and relationships. I suffered through two marriages that ended due to domestic abuse/violence – (financial, spiritual, verbal, mental, psychological, little physical). Once I became aware of my own potential, understanding and knowing the many facets that makes me the unique creature that I am today. I value and totally respect and love myself! More importantly I know that my imperfections and/or inadequacies are not inherently bad; they do not at all shape nor define my value or self-worth.
Regardless of the person I thought I was and how confident I thought I was or anyone reading this for that matter. It is common to doubt our self-worth at one time or another in our lives. Women, constantly compare themselves with other women; when it is occasional it can be beneficial. When it is continuous and there is comparison that comes more frequent, all-consuming, and a person begins to feel that they do not measure up to the other person that is when it can become self-destructive and potentially affect the quality of life.
Although the road isn’t easy turning pity into purpose, and becoming comfortable in your own skin; it isn’t impossible. There are ways to increase your self-esteem, understand your self-worth, value and feel confident about who you were created to be in life.
- Learning to accept who you are, as you are; your weaknesses, strengths, emotions and feelings.
- Learning to forgive yourself for past mistakes, look to them as opportunities for growth.
- Nurture your passions, talents and gifts.
- Always take pride in your accomplishments, whether they are small or grand.
- Replace all negative self-talk with words of affirmation and positive, loving and kind statements.
- Know who you are, and never depend on the acceptance of others to make you feel good about you!
- Surround yourself with positive people.
- Instead of comparing yourself to others, try focusing on comparing yourself to yourself. Look at ways you can improve YOU!
By getting to know yourself on a deeper and more intimate level, you will gain a better understanding of the underlying issues that contribute to your lack in valuing self, low self-worth, and low self-esteem. It may be helpful to ask yourself some questions when you begin to have those feelings of defeat. For example, was there a particular person or event that sparked those feelings in you? Is this the first time you have ever felt this way? If not, when was the first time you had this feeling? Finally, have you considered speaking to a counseling professional or with a Life Coach? If you haven’t I would recommend you seek one out and make an appointment.
Tamara C Gooch is an Author, Speaker, Life and Love Coach and Mentor. She is available to speak worldwide. For the purchase of her book, or to hire her to speak, use the contact page.
Once you know, accept, and like yourself, you will be recognized, accepted, and liked by other people. ~Jo Coudert